Hey,
So I was just sitting here and I was thinking "shit I have been totally fucking up":( I am not sure what happens in my mind that makes me get the urge to give up on me but something does, I imagine that it is this other Valencia, one that says "hey, you can not do it, you know you want to eat that, you should eat it anyway just because it is good"! That me is so lame, I mean she is a freakin butt face! I am resorting to child like name calling because I am officially acting like a baby! I am whining and I am throwing a fit in my mind, because I am PISSED I am so mad that I can not be one of those people who feels like working out is "DaBomb" *also resorting to 80's catch phrases* I don't like the thought of working out but once I start I am happy and I feel damn good. I don't have the power to make myself do it, I mean I do, but I don't force that power.
This week I have done somethings that I will not post about right now, because I am not ready to share them, but I imagine that one day I will seeing as how, I can never keep a secret about myself longer then a second, but for now, I am not ready to post. Anyway, I have had a stupid week, not one of over-eating but one of under-loving! I hope that makes sense. I have not loved myself in 2 weeks :( I have been eating like a loser and I have been working out like a.................OH SHIT I have not been working out, well unless you count my mouth which I am sure does not count! *Sorry Chuck* lol! Gotta have some humor. Anyway, I was thinking about how far I have come and the good feelings I feel when I make it to a goal and how much time I have put into this and I just keep saying you go this yada yada yada! I don't know if I really do, but I am really trying to believe it. I have been thinking about the GP (Gastric Bypass) I kinda want to do it because it is just a helpful tool to get myself down to my goal, which in my mind for me is about 200lbs, I remember that weight and I loved it! Anyway I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I am going to ask him about it. I almost feel like a loser typing this because I mean, I am all "ohhhh...........I want GP...........I don't want to work hard" but the truth is, I don't want to give up on myself and I feel like if I get this done I will be here for my kids, I will be able to be healthy and maybe just maybe 100% happy, maybe I can get off my "happy meds" because in "real life" I will be happy?! Maybe.......................Hmmmmmmmm............one can hope. I do think that it would help, and the bottom line is when I sit here and I think about my kids and how far I have to go to get to a living weight I sometimes *now is one of those times* feel like it is a million miles away.
Anywho, like I said this was going to be a cry baby post so if you for whatever reason let yourself get to the end of this, then thank you and if you did not then you did not read this so Fuck off! lol! I can say that because the people who did not get here won't see it anyway.
So yeah, thanks friends!
Until next time
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!
