Countdown to bypass...........Day 1

So I know I have not posted in a long time..........

Here is what has been going on in my life. I have gained back about 20lbs of the 55lbs that I lost through weight watchers. To say that I am disappointed in myself is a gigantic understatement. I did not EVER think that I would gain back the weight, I mean really I did not. I am sure that everyone can relate to thinking that you will not gain back weight. So how do you go from losing and being in control and knowing what you need to do, to eating king size kit kats and smoking AGAIN! :( 

Well here is how that happens. I stopped ww, not because I did not believe in the program, because I do. It was because I was not financially able to continue to pay for it. Anyway, I was going to try to keep up my weight loss, but I had a lot of personal problems happen in my life, I began to go back to old habits of eating to comfort myself. Well that did not help and I gained and gained. I feel and felt like a failure. 

Today: 

Here I am now, I started the process of getting bypass in Jan, I have had to do a few things to get here, and yesterday I was told that I will have the surgery on August 27th in Zeeland. I am VERY excited and nervous. I have some fears. I am going to work on them with continued therapy and hopefully with my blog. The first thing I want to talk about is my fears, What will happen when I get the surgery? How will I look? Will I still know myself? These are some of the things I am worried about. Feel free to share you opinion good or bad with me.

I am so scared of who I will become, I mean I like who I am just with a couple of gliches. I don't want to become someone I don't know. Will I be self centered? I am afraid that I will get so full of myself. I have to remember that is not the kind of person that I am but the fear is still there. 

Anyway, my goal is to each day talk about one thing that I am looking forward too and one that I am scared of and how I will try to change that. I would love to hear feed back from everyone. I am also going to talk about me not smoking and eating junk and where that is going. I am going to try my very best to stay focused and continue to work on the worries. 

Thanks for coming back:

XoXo-

Valencia 

Week 1 of being back complete ;)

Heyyyyy............

So I started back to the gym last week and I must say I am really happy that I did! I feel so good when I leave. I cannot believe that I let myself forget how good it feels to move. Well I will not harp on that, I will just keep moving forward. 

Today: 

I went to the gym this morning a little later than I like too because it was my first day with the trainer. I was happy that my friend was able to go with me as well. Well when we started out it was a little sore on my arms but as we got into it I just started to really enjoy it. I have a lot of work to do but I also have a lot of time to do it, I am not in a race so I have to keep that in mind. I did weigh in and I was the same weight as last week :( but I am not going to fret because I know that will start to change and believe me when it does you will know about it :) 

Thinking: 

So I have been approved to have Gastric Bypass and at first I was like HELL YEAH! I was thinking it was a way to get a large amount of weight off and then workout and get in shape, I started to think in my head that my work was done because I was lucky enough to have to surgery. I started to become so lazy and just do NOTHING and I mean nothing. I was eating and making excuses and then I found out that it is not just a walk in and have the surgery done kind of situation. I would still have to work hard and I would still have to change things. It was in fact no quick fix, so I started to feel even worse and then one thing led to another and I stopped caring, WELLLLLL I am over that and I am back in my right frame of mind, as far as the surgery goes, I have decided that I still want it, I need that extra help, I know I am doing it for me and I know that in my  lifetime I want to do so many things, I want to run and the number one thing I want to do is take a hike with my kids! I know that this is possible with hard work and I am going to get there.................trust me, soon enough you will see me with pics and a hiking stick :) 

Thank you so much for reading~

Fatgirlsaywhat!

Until next week~

V!

A quick post

Hey,

I just wanted to quick post that I forgot how good working out makes you feel, I am so happy I am getting back on track.

I will post a weekly update on Wednesday after the trainer :)

Welcome Back.................ME!

Heyyyyyy.............

So I know this is a little shocking because I am BACK! I have been in such a loser mood and not the kind of loser that produces weight loss either. lol! I have not been blogging since October and it is safe to say I have not been working out or eating well either.............hmmmm...........where to begin?!

              Here is what happen:
In October I started to stop going to weight watchers, it was partly because the cost and also because I stopped feeling like going. *TRUTH is closer to the second one* Then I stopped caring so much about how much I was eating, I stopped tracking and I stopped eating healthy foods, I cannot remember the last time I had an apple and that was my favorite snack. Well I gained back 10lbs since then :( I am bummed but I am also happy that before I gained back all my weight that I lost because that would have been TRAGIC!!! I was also afraid to get on the scale because I was thinking that when I finally did I would see that dreaded number again 400 :( I think that would have killed me. I was avoiding the scale, I was overeating, I was avoiding WW, I was smoking cigarettes and I was just a damn hot mess........What the heck?! 

Now  before I continue I do want to share good news, I did in that time find a wonderful job that I love so much, it is a great place for me and I am happy. Now back to the other stuff:: 
Realizing the truth:
Have you ever known something but pretended to be completely stupid so that you did not have to recognize it? Well I do and I did. LOL! I was just saying that I was not gaining any weight, I was not feeling like working out I was just not doing anything, I was just a freaking mess, mess mess mess......YIKES! So I was in the midst of sitting and eating and I said to myself, I swear I am going to get back on track.........well I was like I am going to do it yada yada, well then my friend was like lets meet at the gym and I PROMISED her I was going to sooooo I was like shit, I better. Well I went to meet her and I worked out and I had a feeling come over me that was one that I had felt before, it was a feeling of accomplishment and I liked that feeling. The next day I was super sore and I did not like that feeling but I knew it was a good thing, I said that is it, I am ready, I threw out the cigarettes and I said I am about to get started and soooooo this morning I went in and I started on the bike, now when I started on the bike I was like OMG my legsssss......they hurt but I pushed through and did 2 and a half miles, then I went and did some weight lifting, afterward I decided that I needed to speak to someone about what I should be doing and I decided that I would start working out with a personal trainer. SOOOooooo I started some of that today and she has told me that we will go every other day and next week I would feel the burn...............SCARY!!!!! I am looking forward to getting going and getting back on track because I am ready to lose again and I am ready to work my butt off well maybe my front lol, I don't have much ass to that I can afford to loose :) 

Sooooo until next week thanks for reading 
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!!!