Thinking.................Watch out!

Hey, 

So I was just sitting here and I was thinking "shit I have been totally fucking up":( I am not sure what happens in my mind that makes me get the urge to give up on me but something does, I imagine that it is this other Valencia, one that says "hey, you can not do it, you know you want to eat that, you should eat it anyway just because it is good"! That me is so lame, I mean she is a freakin butt face! I am resorting to child like name calling because I am officially acting like a baby! I am whining and I am throwing a fit in my mind, because I am PISSED I am so mad that I can not be one of those people who feels like working out is "DaBomb" *also resorting to 80's catch phrases* I don't like the thought of working out but once I start I am happy and I feel damn good. I don't have the power to make myself do it, I mean I do, but I don't force that power. 

This week I have done somethings that I will not post about right now, because I am not ready to share them, but I imagine that one day I will seeing as how, I can never keep a secret about myself longer then a second, but for now, I am not ready to post. Anyway, I have had a stupid week, not one of over-eating but one of under-loving! I hope that makes sense. I have not loved myself in 2 weeks :( I have been eating like a loser and I have been working out like a.................OH SHIT I have not been working out, well unless you count my mouth which I am sure does not count! *Sorry Chuck* lol! Gotta have some humor. Anyway, I was thinking about how far I have come and the good feelings I feel when I make it to a goal and how much time I have put into this and I just keep saying you go this yada yada yada! I don't know if I really do, but I am really trying to believe it. I have been thinking about the GP (Gastric Bypass) I kinda want to do it because it is just a helpful tool to get myself down to my goal, which in my mind for me is about 200lbs, I remember that weight and I loved it! Anyway I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I am going to ask him about it. I almost feel like a loser typing this because I mean, I am all "ohhhh...........I want GP...........I don't want to work hard" but the truth is, I don't want to give up on myself and I feel like if I get this done I will be here for my kids, I will be able to be healthy and maybe just maybe 100% happy, maybe I can get off my "happy meds" because in "real life" I will be happy?! Maybe.......................Hmmmmmmmm............one can hope. I do think that it would help, and the bottom line is when I sit here and I think about my kids and how far I have to go to get to a living weight I sometimes *now is one of those times* feel like it is a million miles away.

Anywho, like I said this was going to be a cry baby post so if you for whatever reason let yourself get to the end of this, then thank you and if you did not then you did not read this so Fuck off! lol! I can say that because the people who did not get here won't see it anyway.

So yeah, thanks friends!

Until next time

fatgirlsaywhat~

V!

It's that time...........YUCKY WEIGH IN!

Hey ya'll!

So here we are June 25th, we went to weigh-in this morning I have to say right off top it was not the most successful weigh in of my life. Before I go on let me go back. 
Last week Saturday I did not gain or lose I just stayed the same. I was happy about that because I was like well at least I maintained. YADA YADA! Anyway I was not feeling one way or the other I was just going to go on about my week. I started out completly WRONG I was not tracking like I should have been, I did not write down everything I ate on Saturday and to add fuel to the fire or butter to the pancakes, whatever you pleasure, I went out drinking with my two besties! Oh Saturday, of course after the bar I ate a blueberry donut and then the next day was Father's Day and lets just say that I did not track then either.............This went on for the rest of the week, I went to Maggie Moo's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Chinese and Arby's. I guess it is safe to say I was not starving. lol! Anyway here we are at Saturday. I got on the scale after telling myself I would NOT weigh-in, I could not bring myself to not do it, I would have felt like an even bigger loser if I did not. So anyway I get weighed in and I gained 4 lbs :( I was not shocked, but I was and am VERY DISAPPOINTED in myself. I know in my heart I really want this I want it so bad, but sometimes it is so hard for me to be in control of the person inside of me, who say's give up, stop trying and hey look at that cake! She is alive and she is still got a lot of life in her, she can make me feel like a million bucks or 1/2 penny, I know that the person inside me that I used to be is trying so hard to get back in control of me of my life, I just have to figure out a way to have fun and celebrate life without food. I need to stop thinking about how hard this is and start thinking about how hard it is to be so big and how it feels to no love yourself. I know what I need to do and this week I will be back and I will be better. Or at least healthier :)

~**TEN TEN TEN**~

Hey everyone:


I am so excited to be posting this blog today, I am really happy to say that after 6 months and 3 days I have made it to my 10% I am so excited, I am so proud and I am more then that soooo grateful, I have been so unbelievably lucky to have found an ahmahzing support system! 
Weight Watchers Jenison Saturday morning group is great, I have made so many friends there, I feel like when I go there I am with a group of people who have known me forever, it is not even the fact that they laugh at my craziness but it is the fact that they are all there for the same reason and each person wants to see the other do well, it is so fun and warm and welcoming :) I am soooo lucky to be apart of it! Dawn is the best leader EVER she is so funny and she makes meetings worth waking up for :) 
And then there is Nikki, I mean if you read this blog then you are well aware that I think she is the bee's knees! She is the number one reason I am at WW jenison group, she introduced me to that group and for that I am greatful! Man I am one lucky lady! Great friends and supporters makes for a great weight loss journey! 
When I first started I swear on a stack of IHOP pancakes I did not think I would get to my 10% it seemed so far away, I mean shit I was just hoping to lose 5 or 10lbs and I was going to be happy and then I lost 5% and I was like this is very possible I might be able to do it, so today when I got up this morning I was thinking about weigh in and I was nervous because I always am, and I was like well I am going to hit up the gym first, and so I went to Fitness  19 and I did 2 miles on the bike and then I got outta there and I was thinking to myself, I sure hope that helps! lmao! I had been having a bloated week, I was having my stupid period and so I was really worried and because I was on I did not want to workout so I was sure it would back fire, but it did not! Today when I went in a got on the scale I was like SHUT THE FUCK UP! I mean I really said that, these sweet women prob. want to cringe at my potty mouth but I was just so happy! They all cheered and let me give my little speech and talk about Nikki and how much all of them have helped me, I love them ladies! So yeah that is it! Here I am 10% of my weight gone and almost out of the 80's and into the 70's what what!!!! Here are some pics :) Me with my golden key chain and then my weigh in sticker.
Thanks so much for reading

fatgirlsaywhat~

V!