Say what............Say PUT UPS!

Hey everyone :)

        So yesterday was weigh-in, and it was just a alright one, I did not gain I just stayed the same. Nikki lost a little over a pound :) WHOOP WHOOP! Go girl!!!!! 

          So I weigh-in at 382.8 Huhhhhhhhhhhh.............Well I would like that number to change uh....SOON! 

     Anyway, while we were sitting in our meeting with the amazing Dawn! She was asking what would we like to have magically appear in our lives, and three was a good list, personal chef, personal trainer, constant motivation and confidence. 

         I would love all of those handed to me on a silver platter ;) But the one that that was on the list that I can give myself all the time was something I said which was motivation. I was sitting in the meeting thinking about how with my girls I make them respect each other and remember the good things about each other and I thought to myself, hmmm.......HOW CAN I PREACH IT WHEN I DON"T PRACTICE IT? I thought about a little thing that the girls do which is called "put ups".
         Put ups mean giving two good compliments for every one neg. thing you say about someone else, but I thought why not give them to ourselves for the neg things we say about our own personal self. I think that it is safe to say that we spend a lot of time harping on our "faults" but why not pump up are greatness???? So I think that I will and I hope that you will too. 
         I started yesterday after weigh-in, I was all day just going ugh...........you really suck for not working out etc etc.....But I stopped and I said to myself, here is a chance to do two things, 1, change the fact that I did not work out and 2, remember 2 things that I did do that made me feel good. Well slap me and call me hooker, it WORKED! I sat here at almost 11pm and then I said you know what "I am going to get my ass up and get in that living room and walk with Leslie" I did and I felt AMAZING! I mean I was going to do the 2 mile walk but I did not, I mean hell I am not trying to win the race first I am just trying to finish :) lol! I am going to work my way up to the 2 mile walk. So then it was time for my put-ups and I wanted to use something good, I did not want to say "oh you worked out" I mean duh.......I had just did it! lol!
So I started to think...............PUT UPS............OH PUT UPS.............I thought of these two:
1: I take responsibility for my food actions. 
2: I never give up on people and I am learning to never give up on me. 
    So here they are...........I like them. I am going to put myself up everyday, and I am going to make a list one with my "put-downs" and then a list with my put-ups and I am going to work on ways to change those things and to elevate the other things. 


What do you guys think? What are your put-ups? Maybe a list would work for all of us????

So yeah, if you want to leave your thoughts, I would love to read them. 
Until next time...........thanks for reading
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!
 

Thinking.................Watch out!

Hey, 

So I was just sitting here and I was thinking "shit I have been totally fucking up":( I am not sure what happens in my mind that makes me get the urge to give up on me but something does, I imagine that it is this other Valencia, one that says "hey, you can not do it, you know you want to eat that, you should eat it anyway just because it is good"! That me is so lame, I mean she is a freakin butt face! I am resorting to child like name calling because I am officially acting like a baby! I am whining and I am throwing a fit in my mind, because I am PISSED I am so mad that I can not be one of those people who feels like working out is "DaBomb" *also resorting to 80's catch phrases* I don't like the thought of working out but once I start I am happy and I feel damn good. I don't have the power to make myself do it, I mean I do, but I don't force that power. 

This week I have done somethings that I will not post about right now, because I am not ready to share them, but I imagine that one day I will seeing as how, I can never keep a secret about myself longer then a second, but for now, I am not ready to post. Anyway, I have had a stupid week, not one of over-eating but one of under-loving! I hope that makes sense. I have not loved myself in 2 weeks :( I have been eating like a loser and I have been working out like a.................OH SHIT I have not been working out, well unless you count my mouth which I am sure does not count! *Sorry Chuck* lol! Gotta have some humor. Anyway, I was thinking about how far I have come and the good feelings I feel when I make it to a goal and how much time I have put into this and I just keep saying you go this yada yada yada! I don't know if I really do, but I am really trying to believe it. I have been thinking about the GP (Gastric Bypass) I kinda want to do it because it is just a helpful tool to get myself down to my goal, which in my mind for me is about 200lbs, I remember that weight and I loved it! Anyway I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I am going to ask him about it. I almost feel like a loser typing this because I mean, I am all "ohhhh...........I want GP...........I don't want to work hard" but the truth is, I don't want to give up on myself and I feel like if I get this done I will be here for my kids, I will be able to be healthy and maybe just maybe 100% happy, maybe I can get off my "happy meds" because in "real life" I will be happy?! Maybe.......................Hmmmmmmmm............one can hope. I do think that it would help, and the bottom line is when I sit here and I think about my kids and how far I have to go to get to a living weight I sometimes *now is one of those times* feel like it is a million miles away.

Anywho, like I said this was going to be a cry baby post so if you for whatever reason let yourself get to the end of this, then thank you and if you did not then you did not read this so Fuck off! lol! I can say that because the people who did not get here won't see it anyway.

So yeah, thanks friends!

Until next time

fatgirlsaywhat~

V!

It's that time...........YUCKY WEIGH IN!

Hey ya'll!

So here we are June 25th, we went to weigh-in this morning I have to say right off top it was not the most successful weigh in of my life. Before I go on let me go back. 
Last week Saturday I did not gain or lose I just stayed the same. I was happy about that because I was like well at least I maintained. YADA YADA! Anyway I was not feeling one way or the other I was just going to go on about my week. I started out completly WRONG I was not tracking like I should have been, I did not write down everything I ate on Saturday and to add fuel to the fire or butter to the pancakes, whatever you pleasure, I went out drinking with my two besties! Oh Saturday, of course after the bar I ate a blueberry donut and then the next day was Father's Day and lets just say that I did not track then either.............This went on for the rest of the week, I went to Maggie Moo's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Chinese and Arby's. I guess it is safe to say I was not starving. lol! Anyway here we are at Saturday. I got on the scale after telling myself I would NOT weigh-in, I could not bring myself to not do it, I would have felt like an even bigger loser if I did not. So anyway I get weighed in and I gained 4 lbs :( I was not shocked, but I was and am VERY DISAPPOINTED in myself. I know in my heart I really want this I want it so bad, but sometimes it is so hard for me to be in control of the person inside of me, who say's give up, stop trying and hey look at that cake! She is alive and she is still got a lot of life in her, she can make me feel like a million bucks or 1/2 penny, I know that the person inside me that I used to be is trying so hard to get back in control of me of my life, I just have to figure out a way to have fun and celebrate life without food. I need to stop thinking about how hard this is and start thinking about how hard it is to be so big and how it feels to no love yourself. I know what I need to do and this week I will be back and I will be better. Or at least healthier :)