Celebrate Celebrate Celebrate! 5% :)

Alright, 

This is going to be a long one :) 

Today was a great day for me at ww! Not only because I lost 5% of my weight but because for the first time in almost 2 1/2yrs I can say that I don't weigh 400 + lbs :) 

This is so hard for me to post because I have always been so ashamed of my weight, so ashamed. I hated myself for so long I hated to even think about Chuck looking at ALL of me. I hated that Me and only Me let my self get to a point in my life were I was over 400lbs. I remember all the times in my life when I was like damn 400lbs that person is HUGE and then one day you go to the doctor and step on the scale and it does not read because that HUGE person is you, I have laughed it off so many times so many! I have just been like I am not going to get on the scale I am not going to "worry" about the number because I am still pretty and I am this or that but the thing was I was worried, I was worried about the fact that I was almost to big for Lane Bryant! I mean REALLY? I was worried because for me to be 27, 28, 29 and not be able to walk and get dressed with out deep breathing was just OUT OF CONTROL! 
Here I was the HUGE person that I was saying damn to not that long ago, and I started to change my idea of what HUGE was, because in doing so that meant I was not HUGE! Then it was hey, I will NEVER weigh 500lbs because that is just HUGE. I made myself feel better that way, then one day I was talking to my PIC (Nikki) and she was talking WW and I had to sit back and think to myself, you are HUGE you are out of control you are not happy, as a matter of fact you are sad. I was embarrassed to take Charleigh to the bus, I was embarrassed to go to Brianna's class room stuff, because they would get made fun of! I was HUGE and I was HUGELY sad. Something that was really upsetting for me was the fact that I was to embarrassed to even be myself with Chuck, someone I know who loves me for me and no number would change that, but I could not even bare the thought of sharing the HUGE number with him. So I go to WW and I get on the scale and it reads 423.4lbs and I am like HUGE! I was sad, but I was not shocked, I was worried, because I thought OMG no one weighs this much but I was also ready! I knew that when I got under 400lbs I was going to post this blog with my weigh, I was and still am worried because I know that people are going to read this and they are going to say damn, she is huge! I am scared of the thought of people knowing what is NOT a secret, I mean it is not a well kept one anyway :) But here I am posting this and I am going to show my weight and I am going to cringe when I hit post but I am going to beam when I read it back and see that today and forever more I weigh under 4oolbs! Today I weigh 399.6lbs and I am damn proud of it! I almost feel sexy :) I am happy I am proud and I am going to keep going. Today was such a big day for me, and I just know that I will have other days like this. I wish my granny was alive so she could here this excitement in my voice and she could tell me "get it girl" and that she was proud, I am so grateful to my other granny who makes sure every week to ask me about my numbers and today let me know how proud of me she was! I love her! I love them both. I thank god for all the steps that led me to ww, because it is changing my life. 
Damn that was a lot of sweetness :) lol! 
Thanks for reading guys, until next week~
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!