Hey,
So I was just sitting here and I was thinking "shit I have been totally fucking up":( I am not sure what happens in my mind that makes me get the urge to give up on me but something does, I imagine that it is this other Valencia, one that says "hey, you can not do it, you know you want to eat that, you should eat it anyway just because it is good"! That me is so lame, I mean she is a freakin butt face! I am resorting to child like name calling because I am officially acting like a baby! I am whining and I am throwing a fit in my mind, because I am PISSED I am so mad that I can not be one of those people who feels like working out is "DaBomb" *also resorting to 80's catch phrases* I don't like the thought of working out but once I start I am happy and I feel damn good. I don't have the power to make myself do it, I mean I do, but I don't force that power.
This week I have done somethings that I will not post about right now, because I am not ready to share them, but I imagine that one day I will seeing as how, I can never keep a secret about myself longer then a second, but for now, I am not ready to post. Anyway, I have had a stupid week, not one of over-eating but one of under-loving! I hope that makes sense. I have not loved myself in 2 weeks :( I have been eating like a loser and I have been working out like a.................OH SHIT I have not been working out, well unless you count my mouth which I am sure does not count! *Sorry Chuck* lol! Gotta have some humor. Anyway, I was thinking about how far I have come and the good feelings I feel when I make it to a goal and how much time I have put into this and I just keep saying you go this yada yada yada! I don't know if I really do, but I am really trying to believe it. I have been thinking about the GP (Gastric Bypass) I kinda want to do it because it is just a helpful tool to get myself down to my goal, which in my mind for me is about 200lbs, I remember that weight and I loved it! Anyway I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I am going to ask him about it. I almost feel like a loser typing this because I mean, I am all "ohhhh...........I want GP...........I don't want to work hard" but the truth is, I don't want to give up on myself and I feel like if I get this done I will be here for my kids, I will be able to be healthy and maybe just maybe 100% happy, maybe I can get off my "happy meds" because in "real life" I will be happy?! Maybe.......................Hmmmmmmmm............one can hope. I do think that it would help, and the bottom line is when I sit here and I think about my kids and how far I have to go to get to a living weight I sometimes *now is one of those times* feel like it is a million miles away.
Anywho, like I said this was going to be a cry baby post so if you for whatever reason let yourself get to the end of this, then thank you and if you did not then you did not read this so Fuck off! lol! I can say that because the people who did not get here won't see it anyway.
So yeah, thanks friends!
Until next time
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!
*calling you to see what it is you won't tell us*
ReplyDeleteValencia - I know you can make it to your goal. Give the GP a LOT of thought before you go down that road, though - it's a risky surgery, with a lot of life-long issues that come with it. I was within about a week of having it several years ago and decided against it at the last minute and I'm so glad I did. You have to be even more strict with your food than we are now with WW, you can never have soda pop again, and you will become violently ill if you 'cheat.' If you can walk around (which you can) and are already doing WW, my 2 cents is give WW another couple of months. Since you just hit a major goal a couple of weeks ago of 10%, maybe you just need some breathing room from all the tension and hard work leading up to that. It seems like whenever I get past a certain point or goal, I also feel the need to just relax a bit.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up on WW or more importantly, on yourself! As I'm writing this I'm sitting here full from a big fat muffin and so I am far from the model citizen on WW, but still...although I don't know you very well (yet), I think you are pretty awesome and I'm sure that you can get fired up to work out again.
Cheers,
Fran
Valencia, I had a 24-point chicken sandwich at Burger King last night. It was the most disgusting chicken sandwich I'd had in my life and I'll probably pay for that at the scale this week, but at least now I know that chicken sandwich is gross and wont' be tempted again. My point is we aren't perfect. I've been on plan a year and a half and I still make stupid mistakes. It's going to happen, but you have to move on and forgive yourself. I know you had a bad week last week, but you can't let that discourage you. There are risks with Gastric bypass that don't exist with Weight Watchers (namely DEATH), so please do tons of research before you decide on abandoning WW completely. We're here for you if you need us.
ReplyDeleteThanks you guys for all the support, I am not giving up on WW and I understand that a bad week is just that a bad week. I know that I have to get over this cry baby crap I am going through, I am really just thinking about the GP, I mean I just am going to ask about it. I am very much someone who thinks about things, sometimes too much, I love my new life at WW and I love all my new friends, I am just thinking is all <3 Thank you so much ;)
ReplyDelete