Countdown to bypass...........Day 1

So I know I have not posted in a long time..........

Here is what has been going on in my life. I have gained back about 20lbs of the 55lbs that I lost through weight watchers. To say that I am disappointed in myself is a gigantic understatement. I did not EVER think that I would gain back the weight, I mean really I did not. I am sure that everyone can relate to thinking that you will not gain back weight. So how do you go from losing and being in control and knowing what you need to do, to eating king size kit kats and smoking AGAIN! :( 

Well here is how that happens. I stopped ww, not because I did not believe in the program, because I do. It was because I was not financially able to continue to pay for it. Anyway, I was going to try to keep up my weight loss, but I had a lot of personal problems happen in my life, I began to go back to old habits of eating to comfort myself. Well that did not help and I gained and gained. I feel and felt like a failure. 

Today: 

Here I am now, I started the process of getting bypass in Jan, I have had to do a few things to get here, and yesterday I was told that I will have the surgery on August 27th in Zeeland. I am VERY excited and nervous. I have some fears. I am going to work on them with continued therapy and hopefully with my blog. The first thing I want to talk about is my fears, What will happen when I get the surgery? How will I look? Will I still know myself? These are some of the things I am worried about. Feel free to share you opinion good or bad with me.

I am so scared of who I will become, I mean I like who I am just with a couple of gliches. I don't want to become someone I don't know. Will I be self centered? I am afraid that I will get so full of myself. I have to remember that is not the kind of person that I am but the fear is still there. 

Anyway, my goal is to each day talk about one thing that I am looking forward too and one that I am scared of and how I will try to change that. I would love to hear feed back from everyone. I am also going to talk about me not smoking and eating junk and where that is going. I am going to try my very best to stay focused and continue to work on the worries. 

Thanks for coming back:

XoXo-

Valencia