Back To Life.......Back To Reality!

Hey everyone, 

So I have been a blogging bs'er :( SORRY!

So here I am ready to update and get back on track. 

We went to weigh-in on Saturday and I stayed the same 380.6! I was not happy and I was not mad but I was disappointed because I know that I have not been doing my best, I mean if I were doing my best I would be so much more closer to my goal. I am almost another 16 weeks in and I have only lost about 5lbs :( I lost 35 lbs in the last 16 weeks.  I feel like an idiot, I am paying for WW every month, I am paying 40$ to go and listen to the meeting (which I enjoy very much) but at the same time, I am not using my skills like I should. I have not been working out and I have started to slack on my tracking.
     I have always been upfront with myself and the people who read this about my crap and I am not going to stop now, I have been terrible at tracking, guessing and not using my messuring spoons when it is time to make my plate, just eye balling things.
    Well yesterday when we went to weigh-in, I came home and I told Chuck about it, and I said "I am so sick of staying at the same weight!" and he said to me "well what do you expect? You have given up on your self, you stop going to the gym and working out that is what is going to happen" Now after he said this I thought to myself HOW DARE HE? But you know what how dare he not, I mean that is what he should do, I needed him to call me out on my shit. He did not say it to hurt me, he did not point out the fact that we have had snickers that "disapered" from the house. No, he just told me what was VERY true, I was giving up on myself. So I got on the phone and I called fitness 19 and I asked them what I have to do to come back and they let me know that I just needed to pay my 18$ balance and I could get back to business. Well I am going to pay on Wednesday, and I am BACK there, in the meantime I will workout here at the house, I already started this morning with my manual treadmill :) I feel better already. I am going to stop giving up on myself and start remembering that I can do this.

Nikki:
So Nik is doing well, she is almost at her 10% and I am really proud of her, she has been dong water aerobics in her family pool ;) LUCKY! And yesterday she wore a shirt that I got for her when we first started WW and she looked like she was swimming in it :) YOU GO GIRL! lol! So she is doing well, and is off to Vegas. I will miss my WW buddy while she is gone but I am hoping that we both have some good number news to share with each other when she gets back :)

So yeah, that is that. I am going to make sure I work hard all this week and get my booty back into the gym and remember that I can and will lose more weight :)

Thanks for reading
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!

Say what............Say PUT UPS!

Hey everyone :)

        So yesterday was weigh-in, and it was just a alright one, I did not gain I just stayed the same. Nikki lost a little over a pound :) WHOOP WHOOP! Go girl!!!!! 

          So I weigh-in at 382.8 Huhhhhhhhhhhh.............Well I would like that number to change uh....SOON! 

     Anyway, while we were sitting in our meeting with the amazing Dawn! She was asking what would we like to have magically appear in our lives, and three was a good list, personal chef, personal trainer, constant motivation and confidence. 

         I would love all of those handed to me on a silver platter ;) But the one that that was on the list that I can give myself all the time was something I said which was motivation. I was sitting in the meeting thinking about how with my girls I make them respect each other and remember the good things about each other and I thought to myself, hmmm.......HOW CAN I PREACH IT WHEN I DON"T PRACTICE IT? I thought about a little thing that the girls do which is called "put ups".
         Put ups mean giving two good compliments for every one neg. thing you say about someone else, but I thought why not give them to ourselves for the neg things we say about our own personal self. I think that it is safe to say that we spend a lot of time harping on our "faults" but why not pump up are greatness???? So I think that I will and I hope that you will too. 
         I started yesterday after weigh-in, I was all day just going ugh...........you really suck for not working out etc etc.....But I stopped and I said to myself, here is a chance to do two things, 1, change the fact that I did not work out and 2, remember 2 things that I did do that made me feel good. Well slap me and call me hooker, it WORKED! I sat here at almost 11pm and then I said you know what "I am going to get my ass up and get in that living room and walk with Leslie" I did and I felt AMAZING! I mean I was going to do the 2 mile walk but I did not, I mean hell I am not trying to win the race first I am just trying to finish :) lol! I am going to work my way up to the 2 mile walk. So then it was time for my put-ups and I wanted to use something good, I did not want to say "oh you worked out" I mean duh.......I had just did it! lol!
So I started to think...............PUT UPS............OH PUT UPS.............I thought of these two:
1: I take responsibility for my food actions. 
2: I never give up on people and I am learning to never give up on me. 
    So here they are...........I like them. I am going to put myself up everyday, and I am going to make a list one with my "put-downs" and then a list with my put-ups and I am going to work on ways to change those things and to elevate the other things. 


What do you guys think? What are your put-ups? Maybe a list would work for all of us????

So yeah, if you want to leave your thoughts, I would love to read them. 
Until next time...........thanks for reading
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!
 

Thinking.................Watch out!

Hey, 

So I was just sitting here and I was thinking "shit I have been totally fucking up":( I am not sure what happens in my mind that makes me get the urge to give up on me but something does, I imagine that it is this other Valencia, one that says "hey, you can not do it, you know you want to eat that, you should eat it anyway just because it is good"! That me is so lame, I mean she is a freakin butt face! I am resorting to child like name calling because I am officially acting like a baby! I am whining and I am throwing a fit in my mind, because I am PISSED I am so mad that I can not be one of those people who feels like working out is "DaBomb" *also resorting to 80's catch phrases* I don't like the thought of working out but once I start I am happy and I feel damn good. I don't have the power to make myself do it, I mean I do, but I don't force that power. 

This week I have done somethings that I will not post about right now, because I am not ready to share them, but I imagine that one day I will seeing as how, I can never keep a secret about myself longer then a second, but for now, I am not ready to post. Anyway, I have had a stupid week, not one of over-eating but one of under-loving! I hope that makes sense. I have not loved myself in 2 weeks :( I have been eating like a loser and I have been working out like a.................OH SHIT I have not been working out, well unless you count my mouth which I am sure does not count! *Sorry Chuck* lol! Gotta have some humor. Anyway, I was thinking about how far I have come and the good feelings I feel when I make it to a goal and how much time I have put into this and I just keep saying you go this yada yada yada! I don't know if I really do, but I am really trying to believe it. I have been thinking about the GP (Gastric Bypass) I kinda want to do it because it is just a helpful tool to get myself down to my goal, which in my mind for me is about 200lbs, I remember that weight and I loved it! Anyway I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I am going to ask him about it. I almost feel like a loser typing this because I mean, I am all "ohhhh...........I want GP...........I don't want to work hard" but the truth is, I don't want to give up on myself and I feel like if I get this done I will be here for my kids, I will be able to be healthy and maybe just maybe 100% happy, maybe I can get off my "happy meds" because in "real life" I will be happy?! Maybe.......................Hmmmmmmmm............one can hope. I do think that it would help, and the bottom line is when I sit here and I think about my kids and how far I have to go to get to a living weight I sometimes *now is one of those times* feel like it is a million miles away.

Anywho, like I said this was going to be a cry baby post so if you for whatever reason let yourself get to the end of this, then thank you and if you did not then you did not read this so Fuck off! lol! I can say that because the people who did not get here won't see it anyway.

So yeah, thanks friends!

Until next time

fatgirlsaywhat~

V!