I know I already posted today but I just need too again!

Rejection! What does that do to you? How does it make you feel? Does it make or break your day?

I am suffering right now from rejection, I will not go into details as this is a very public blog, but I will say that I am feeling rejected. Because of this I started to think about how rejection plays a part in my life.

When I was younger it was a big deal not to feel rejected or "left out" and now even in my adult life I find that I am still very much the same. What can rejection do to me now? How can it make me feel? Can it make me choose to feel sorry enough for me that I go and do the one thing that has NEVER rejected me? Will I eat? I mean that is what I am most comfortable with, what has always been a best friend, boyfriend, sibling or even enemy to me. I will not, not today because I will rather take the time to sit here and think about this.
I wonder how many times in life I have felt rejection and choose to eat something. I would guess about 300+ times. I am not sure why I am like this, I mean for the most part I know that I have a lot of good quality's about me, and I know that how I feel about me is what is the most important thing. So I wonder how come it is so hard to believe? Why is it that we (maybe you IDK) allow ourselves to be 100% alright with feeling like a loser? not good enough and just down right blah? Well I don't know but what I do know is that it is not going to continue to be a problem for me because I am uncovering secrets about me, deep ones some dark ones, some that like 1 doz cookies even LOL! I am alright, I am not rejected because I would NEVER reject me and as long as I keep remembering that I will never feel like this again, and to be honest I don't feel like that anymore, I feel like this: Good because I came in here and I blogged, I stopped and thought and took control of my mind and made a decision and I am alright with it. :) This just made me feel good. I hope that someone reads this and feels like I make some sense maybe you feel the same way sometimes, maybe all the time either way I thank you for reading! So until next time I promise not again today!
Thanks for reading
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!

A lesson learned is a lesson earned :) I juat made that up! lol ;) 2/20/11

Good Morning five people who read this ;) LOL! 

So I had a WONDERFUL weekend! It was my baby's 11th birthday and I have to tell you nothing makes me more happy then getting together with family and friends and really when it is friends like these it is just all family anyway <3

So anyway to the blog:

Yesterday morning was weigh-in! I will start with Mrs. Nikki, can I just tell you this lady is on the way to being a skinny bitch :) She is on the lowest possible pts and I am DAMN proud of her, I think she had *can't remember, I am 29 lol* over 2 & 1/2 lb lost. WhoooooWeeee *country voice* I am most proud of her ability to accept and deal with all of her weight loss be it a victory or a struggle :) YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! lol ;) Love you! 

To me: I hate talking about myself! lol! That is what you call sacasim, anywho: So first off I want to say that I was very SHOCKED :O that I had a loss at all, I mean I am sure that you five read about my cookie outbreak! Anyway, I don't EVER want to have that happen to me again, and to be honest I learned from the outbreak. I am not ever going to be the kind of person that can just pass up a sweet, I love them I mean I would almost be tempted to marry these damn cookie's. I am also aware that I am a "when the going gets tough" believer, I can say that I am afraid of success, I am afraid of continued weight-loss, and that fear is because I am afraid of being a disappointment, not just too me but too everyone that has invested time in rooting for me. It has always been easy for me to stay in that old body * I mean I am down almost 20 so I will call it in old body* I can just eat and feel sorry for myself and blame my situation on whatever or I can be in charge of myself and in charge of my eating and say NO cookies, No cakes and I don't mean NO all the time, I mean NO I don't want a dozen cookies because I only need one, no I don't want to have 2 large pcs of cake because in fact 1 small-med pc will take care of that sweet craving and afterwards I don't have to feel like I just murdered someone! I mean because in fact I have attempted to murder someone and that is the new me, who is still new born and fragile. Life is full of lesson's some good some bad but all lesson's and I am always going to be a student when it comes to healthy living! 

So I move on, I did loose ;) SHIT YEAH! I lost 1 lb. and I am damn happy. I am down 19.8 lbs and my 5% is as close as it can be, I hope I see it next week. I want me and Nikki to celebrate our 5% together. 

So this week the goal is to continue to track, track, track, walk make good choices and love myself and I do! 

Until next time Thanks for reading!

fatgirlsaywhat~

V!

I really f**ked up :**(

I am not going to make this to long, I am just going to say that I really fucked up today with my points, I used 101 pts today :( I was having a bad day and I used food as a way to make it a good day. Why you might wonder, I mean I am doing so well I have lost I have changed, I mean hell I just posted a whole blog on me being so different. Well I am just as much in wonderment. I am going to walk today, I am going to be proud of what I did do which is track I mean even though I was OUTRAGEOUS I still tracked everything I put in my mouth. I guess I should have known this was going to be a bad day, I mean really I went to subway and I ordered a fucking dozen cookies a damn dozen! SHAME is an understatement. I am pissed at me, I knew when I went to subway that I can only order one cookie otherwise I will eat more then one, I have to say I did NOT eat the whole dozen I had 4 of them I froze the rest. I am going to put those fuckers in the trash. FINAL! I did not even enjoy the 3 or 4 cookie I just ate them because I wanted to feel sorry for myself and decided to say hey I already fucked up the day I should just go for the glory. UGH..........anyway, I know two things one is today is done and I can not take it back but what I can do is remember this the next time I want to eat some cookies, remember that I don't feel good about myself not at all, the other thing I know is that I did track and I can for sure count on the fact that tomorrow is for sure a new day and I will start back over!
Until tomorrow thanks for reading:
fatgirlsaywhat~
V!